Can't believe September has come and almost gone. September is a tough month for me and my family. Pretty much as soon as I even feel it creeping around the corner I kind of shut down. I wish I didn't relive my brother's death every single year...but six years later and I still do. Today was his birthday, would have been 31, and tomorrow marks six years since the day he got his angel wings.
It is different now because I have these two little treasures who keep me on my toes and keep me laughing every day. Ace loves talking about Uncle Corby. I don't quite know how she knows all that she does, but she does. Having Ace and Archie around makes it easier in many ways, but harder in some. Easier in that I just have to cuddle their little faces and nothing else matters-- my heart is whole. But harder because I would give anything to see them with Corby. To see Corby with them. I can picture the relationship he could have had with them and it breaks my heart that they will never have that here on earth.
Tonight we went to "Corby's Special Spot" (that's what we call the cemetery). And we had a birthday party. Ace planned everything. We ate James Coney Island, brought sunflowers (cause they're Ace's favorite), colored pictures for Corby, played soccer, did some face painting, and set Ace's earthworms (that she took to school for her letter "E" show-and-tell) free.
My favorite part of the whole thing was the way that Ace talks to Corby while we are there. She just talks to him. She would explain each picture she drew to him. She told him, "Hey Uncle Corby, I brought you my pet earthworms to stay here with you cause I know you love earthworms."
My whole life changed tonight as I sat there at my brother's grave with my family. It just hit me. I don't even know what "it" is. But it hit me. If I figure out what it is I will let you know.
Here are some snapshots of our evening.
The perfect hanging tree
Setting the worms free
It started with some simple arm painting
And we ended the night with a blanket ride
My seriously amazing husband (I don't brag on him much, but he is so awesome), brought me the most special gift I have probably ever gotten. When Corby died, a close friend of mine, Marci (who also happens to be Corby's first love) gave me this awesome cross with a little crystal rectangle thing under it, that I would just hold in my hand, perfect for rubbing. I used to carry it around in my pocket, and I told Joey that I would love to have it somehow made into a necklace one day. So tonight he surprised me with this beauty.
I couldn't believe that he had remembered-- I had told him I wanted to have it turned into a necklace several years ago. I also couldn't believe that he had it! I thought I had lost it and had been so heartbroken over it. I never said anything to him about it though, because I wanted to pretend it was going to show up. And I am glad I didn't because he would have told me. And this was my favorite surprise ever.
I have so much to write, about so many other things, but I am going to leave it at this for now and save those thoughts and updates for another day (soon). I will say that I have pretty much nailed down the direction I have decided to take the blog in. I am pretty excited about it.
Lots of Love!