why the "yank away" doesn't work for us

Monday, December 10, 2012

Lately in the mornings when I drop Archie off at school I feel like I am really annoying his therapists, teachers, whoever it is that comes out to get him from the car. I totally get the concept behind the "yank away" technique as I like to call it. As a preschool teacher, I know that it is best for many kids just to be whisked away from their mom or dad at drop off and thrown into some fun distraction. 

But that just doesn't work with Archie. And it's very frustrating when someone is trying to pull him away from me while I am trying to tell him goodbye, hug and kiss him, and explain to him that I will see him in just a little while. It is true that by now he knows the routine. He knows that I will be right back, and that I am not leaving him forever. But he does still get anxious. And his way of calming himself is by hugging and kissing me, or Ace, or Joey. When he is scared, he immediately grabs my face and starts kissing my cheek.

So in the mornings when we drop him off at school he has to have at least two hugs and kisses from me, and at least one hug and kiss from Ace. Sometimes he needs more. There have been a couple of times where I have let the teacher take him away before he felt comfortable, and I had to watch him through my rear view screaming for me with his arms out begging for a hug.

The thing is- He will go. It's not like he is trying to avoid going to school all together. He loves school. He just needs to get himself to a place where he is not feeling anxious and he feels comfortable and ready. And it takes less than a minute.

I finally reminded a therapist the other day that Archie has only been with us for sixteen months. That's it- sixteen months. And we are making up for SEVEN YEARS of lost time with him. Seven years without a family, seven years with no mom, or dad, or sister to hug and kiss. Some things are just different with adopted kids. And that's okay. It's just the way it is.

So if I bug some people because we are taking some extra time to love on him before he goes. Then so be it. I will give him that for as long as he needs.

Lots of Love!


Anonymous said...

Man you need to get a grip anonymous! What's a minute to make the child ok to get on with his day! Guess your kids are all perfect!

Hi, I'm Alysha -But you can call me Lysh said...

Your a great mommy..it's takes a special someone to know their kids so well and to be willing to do what their kiddo needs em' to do no matter what others think. Your awesome and Archie and Ace are going to be great grown ups one day from the model they are watching :)

Lisa (DanielsMommy) said...

Keep em waiting.....and give Archie all the hugs and kisses he needs and please do not feel guilty about that. Anyone who doesn't agree or gives you a hard time...ask them how THEY would feel if they were ALONE for 7 years with no love. I imagine they'd need a few extra hugs and kisses each morning too. Hugs, kisses and love to Archie and your whole family!!

shantjoy2 said...

I agree with you 100%. I don't think it just has to do with being adopted - all kids need to know mommy can be trusted to meet their needs so they can trust us. Assurance is a need.

Joy said...

We deal with this with every hospitalization. Every "wake up" from anesthesia is a battle with the staff to allow me in recovery b/c the anxiety post-op, waking up with Mom not there is too much. I have heard the "he's been with you for xx months - he surely knows by now" line. xxx months does not erase 7 years. It is worth the extra minutes or extra effort every time.

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