I could see that they were talking. I couldn't hear anything, but no one was smiling or laughing so I was unsure of exactly what was going on. It looked pretty serious for a Chick-Fil-A playground conversation. Then all of the sudden Ace grabbed Archie's hand and pulled him out the door with her. As she approached the table dragging Archie behind her, I saw her eyes begin to fill with tears. "Mom, someone in there doesn't like Archie."
I acted like I hadn't noticed the confrontation with the little girl, and asked her to tell me what happened...
Ace: "She told me, 'hey, I don't like him', and pointed to Archie"
Me: "Okay and what did you say?"
Ace: "I said, 'well, he's my brother'. Then she told me she didn't want to play with him because he's weird and so I just brung Archie and came out here."
She was upset. Archie was confused.
And for the first time ever, I knew that Archie understood what had just happened. Up to that point he was oblivious to teasing, or people saying something not nice about him, being made fun of. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened, but it was the first time that I could tell he FELT it.
He looked at me and asked, "why geel (girl) no like me, Mom?"
That moment rocked me.
This was going to be the first of many of these times. This wouldn't be the last time someone didn't want to play with Archie. Or would call him weird.
Here's the thing: At times, Archie can be the most annoying human being I have ever encountered. That's the truth. He's LOUD. Like very, very loud. There is no such thing as volume control with him. And as much as we work on it, he still hasn't grasped the whole personal space thing. He's in your face and grabby. And to be perfectly honest I totally understand when other kids don't want to be around him at times. That sucks. But it is our current reality. As he has gotten older, it has gotten more difficult. When he was little, it was cute and he could get away with so much. Not anymore.
His impulsivity, hyperactivity, inability to bring it down a notch. We work on these things daily. And he is aware. He understands what behaviors are appropriate and which ones are not. The comprehension is there, but the follow through is not. Sometimes he just loses all control and it takes him a long time to get it back.
I know that it is a good thing- him being able to understand and be able to feel when someone doesn't like him, or doesn't want to be around him. For him to be able to tell when he is being teased. But in those moments when he comes to me and tells me that someone was mean to him. Or when I ask him why he did something he knew was wrong, and he tells me that his friend told him to....and he realizes that said friend was not being a good friend at all. His face in the moments when he feels that sadness. Sometimes I wish he couldn't.
I don't want Archie to be anyone other than himself. But the fact that we are still so far from where he needs to be in the socially acceptable behaviors arena is discouraging and disheartening. It just is.
But we will get there.
Can't stop. Won't Stop.
Lots of Love!